Why the view of MARRIAGE must EVOLVE

I was talking to a female friend and she was telling me how a lot of her female friends were disgruntled with being married. She asked me this question,
“Why do men change after you get married? I mean after I DO, they act they own you and act like asses”
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Well…i will attempt to address this issue. In this day and time we believe in equality and rights for all people. However, marriage as it is traditionally is not about equality. It never has been.
It is about ownership. Single empowered women who want to be married find themselves hitting this brick wall time and time again. They go from being single and independent to being someone who is expected to submit to every foolish whim of their husband or be ostracized and accused of being a “bad wife” (and who wants that title).
However, as much as we like to believe…many wives are not equal to their husbands.
If they were, wives who are dominant in persona would not be labeled “bitches” or their husbands “weak” . If they were, then wives making more money than their husbands would not be an issue. If they were, wives working and husbands staying home with the kids wouldn’t seem “weird”.
How is it about ownership?
Simple, the ritual of traditional marriage involves one man (THE FATHER) GIVING his daughter (his property) to another man (the groom). Funny…Dad doesn’t give away his sons when they get married. Traditional marriage…has never been about LOVE….it was a business transaction between two men.

Now the therapist in the above video almost seems pro-arranged marriage…and why not? He’s a therapist. But this will not solve the predicament. As marriage evolved from arranged to choice by love, once again, there’s a need for it to evolve from ownership to unification and equality.

“BUT MONTRE, THAT’S WHAT MY MARRIAGE IS. MY HUSBAND DOESN’T OWN ME”

Well, maybe, but if you performed the whole “marriage ritual” i described, then in some ways he does. You are just not aware of it.

A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value, which is prescribed by a religion or by the traditions of a community.-Wikipedia

If the table was turned and the groom’s mother gave him to his bride would this be weird? Why does any grown adult need to be given anyways? With the rituals of marriage as it is traditionally, the symbolism says the following:

  • Men and women are not equal
  • Men own women
  • It is honorable if a man can pass his daughter (property) to another man he sees fit.
  • Marriage is a business transaction first and foremost. Not about love.

THIS IS ALL SUBCONSCIOUSLY EMBEDDED IN SOCIETIES. THIS IS WHY SOME PEOPLE CAN NOT BARE TO TOLERATE OR UNDERSTAND MARRIAGES THAT DON’T FOLLOW TRADITIONAL STANDARDS.

SO…HOW DO YOU KEEP FROM BEING OWNED?

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Free your mind. I’m not saying don’t get married but I’m saying change your mind on how you view marriage. Change something as simple as the very ritual. (unless you like being owned–or for the fellas, owning another). Marriage, spiritually speaking, is evolving into a love union between two people that creates divine balance. How do you symbolize or visualize that? That’s not very traditional but we as humans grow and learn. But we, as people, all desire to be with some one that balances out and reflects our love as we balance and reflect theirs. We all desire to celebrate our beloved and have that love union celebrated by all. We all want our love to free us…not to enslave us like a “ball and chain”.

If we can change how we perceive something….we can change how it affects us.

5 thoughts on “Why the view of MARRIAGE must EVOLVE

  1. Truly one of the most monumentally ignorant pieces I’ve read in some time. Almost embarrassingly so. And then to top it all off, you end by saying “I’m not saying don’t get married” WTF! You just described marriage as the most inhuman, oppressive, destructive institution imaginable, and then you say you’re not saying don’t get married? Are you insane? So in other words you’re saying totally ignore everything you said. Good idea!

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  2. My opinion is an unpopular one. I have several thoughts on this. That is, I don’t think these men change all that much after marriage. Maybe their behaviors become more pronounced, but the elementary root and foundation of a person is always there. First, I believe the problem is that people want love and affection and romance so badly, that they don’t take enough time to get to know people. The days of courtship and romancing and dating are gone. People don’t spend enough time sharing with each other. I look at many people who meet someone today and by the end of the week they say they are in a relationship and deeply in love. Come one, people really do need to work on getting to know folk. And some folk say they like doing background checks on potential dates. The only problem with that is, a background check only tells you things for which there is a record. If there isn’t a record, then the guy gets a superficial pass. The only real certain way to learn about someone is time.

    The other thing is that many people are often blinded by love or they just overlook someone’s shortcoming and their controlling behaviors. I understand, given that we human beings need to belong and to love and be loved. It’s easy to want to see the best in people and many people think they can change the man from his troublesome ways. I mean, we often hear people say, “He has potential” or “I can work with him” – and in layman’s terms, that really translates into, “He has some faults but I can bring him up to where I need him to be” and that can never happen. Unless a man is already engaged in deep levels of self discovery and working on himself, people shouldn’t waste their time trying to fix him or change him. So, I believe that these men are the same person after marriage that they are before marriage. We just need to take more time looking and paying attention. I believe the handwriting is on the wall if we’d just take enough time to read it.

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    • Will you are so on point. your comment is a blog post ALL BY ITSELF…more people should read that. lol. In this world of “instant gratification” people want that instant romance as well. Love and romance is nice but it takes time to rationalize what you feel. It’s mostly men who do that type of thinking however. HOW MANY WOMEN do you think actually pause in the midst of FEELING to do that?

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      • Me being single in this age and time ( after 8 years of marriage also) has really allowed my eyes to be opened from just feelings and emotions. I honestly can’t see myself doing the ritualistic process of marriage again. Not because we didnt make it work, but because I really didnt like and enjoy the person after the fuzzy feelings wore off…

        Sincerely a typical Christian…….that was me.

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      • Do you think that many people few traditional marriage as a type of “i own you now” type of arrangement? Did you ever feel that way? _____________________________________________________________________________ NEW NOVEL:Heaven Sent: The Ring of Death is now available at http://www.montrebible.com

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