It seems that every summer I find myself meandering around alone on the fourth of july. I don’t know why… it’s not like I’m trying. My family is not the big “get together” type. Everybody pretty much does their own thing–that is unless my sister decides to congregate the troops. So I find myself pretty much alone with my thoughts.
Eh, what can I expect, I’ve been gone for the past three years in California. Who knows what they were up to before? As for me, same ol same ol. I’m trying to keep my thoughts out of limbo. It’s Texas and my air conditioner busted. (GREAT) and when I open the windows, BIG TEXAS SIZED flying beetles see that as an invitation to say hello. To top that off I’ve officially run out of money. My commission check was delivered to the office that I sell internet service for…after they told me it would be direct deposit. (GREAT). They open tomorrow but I gotta figure how….to get there. No car, no money for the bus.
This is what vexes me at present and yet I’m trying to find some bright side. Having no money does it toil on your social life. But gotta find a bright side. On this hot summer’s night as I sweat over my keyboard listening to the beetles pitter patter at my window beckoning to enter my steamy abode…I’m looking for the bright side.
“HEY WOW …look at Montre, Now thats the KINDA LIFE I WANT”
and if you are saying that…well you absolutely have no idea what I’m going through.
Now granted I want to keep a positive head about me, I guess I’m just… tired. Today, I’m mentally exhausted. “Seek and you shall find, Knock and the door shall be opened.” well I’m seeking and knockin damn it.
okay, I’m bitching. AND I’m doing it completely sober…go figure. Maybe the heat is getting to me. I hate being this hot. I just want things to go my way for once, no surprises. I plan it and it happens. But that hasnt been the norm. And when I get advice, it only frustrates me because people tell me the obvious… “well get a job Tre”
Oh wow…I never thought of that. I’m being sarcastic. That advice makes me wanna rip a dread out. That’s what I’ve BEEN doing for the past I dunno (2008) , thats the reason I left California, the reason why I’m bearing through these southern idiosyncrasies.
Today I prayed. Not in a religious way no. I prayed to the Creator I believe in. The One that I’m connected to and lives through me. I went within. I need to see a change. Something. It can’t be my life’s mission to just struggle forever. No. that would suck. I should just stop now if that’s the case. The problem: no fruit in all my labors. I need to see something.
For fuksake! I look like freakin’ celeb if you google me. I just aint got celeb money. I’ve modeled and my pics circulate still and I dont get a dime. Three books and who’s buying them? And most of the acting I’ve done was low pay or no pay at all. When it comes to normal jobs, its been mostly temp jobs. (sorta like my sex life) Nothing permanent. I’m a bit disgruntled. Ignore me. I’ll be better in the morning.
Maybe I do need a drink.