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Knowing Emotional Triggers đŸ˜­

I’ve been sleeping with an oracle card by my bed and lemme tell you…đŸ˜³. The shit that comes to me while I sleep.

Okay… The moon card is a our subconscious. The illusions or the things that decieve us. The stuff we can’t see.

I had a lot of dreams last night again. Won’t go into it but I woke up thinking… “I got abandonment issues” . I hate waiting on people. I’ll tell you why. Prepare for a long story.

When I was kid in 1st grade many moons ago…

I was waiting for my mom to come pick me up from school. Usually I was the first one to get picked up. But this day… Was different. I found myself playing and waiting with kids until soon… I was the only one waiting by the flagpole. Even teachers were leaving and going home. Some noticed and were like, “Are you okay?”

I always reassured them, “my parents are coming. I’m fine.” This was a different time. It was the 80s . No one called my parents or nothing! đŸ˜‚. But I was getting worried…and cold. One teacher suggested I wait inside. So I went inside and sat on the floor in the foyer. It got dark early so then I really got scared and my little mind started to wander.

In the 80s … Punky Brewster, Different strokes , and Webster were a thing…all about kids losing their parents or getting left somewhere. All I could think was ” They forgot about me…ME!

The janitor came sweeping by asking if was okay. I told him yeah, they’re coming. (ah the faith of a little child) But deep down I wasn’t sure. Again… The 80s…no one called. đŸ™„ . Every car that drove by ,I’d peep my head up and when it didn’t stop I sunk back down into the corner. I think I cried for a second and sucked it back up.

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Finally a honk! I jumped up with excitement and ran to the car .

I don’t remember saying anything. My mom apologized and said my dad was supposed to come get me today but he was working late. When everyone got home they realized oops ! (Like a Home Alone prequel called School Alone) I don’t remember showing any emotion… I was mad. I held it in.

Fast fwd to the 90s …

Freshmen year and just got out of track practice after school. This time my stepdad was supposed to pick me up. I sat there about an hour before those old feelings stirred up. I was forgotten….again. Mind you we didn’t have cell phones then, no money for a payphone, and I wasn’t about to ask a teacher for help đŸ™„. So I took my heavy ass backpack and yup…walked several miles home.

I got home at night around mmm 6pm . It was dark and even the neighborhood kids like “damn you just getting back from school?” (You know how kids are) No one said anything about forgetting to pick me up. But I was a teen…I didn’t care anymore. Nope. Not waiting on anybody anymore.

So yeah…. I got issues. đŸ˜‚ Waiting is hard. And at the same time, I don’t like people waiting on me so I try to be on time every time which is good I guess. (To be early is to be on time). But anytime I feel I’m waiting too long, that inner child resentment pops up and that inner teen says … Start walking!

In Conclusion…

Everyone has some inner child issue that gets triggered when we are adults. Parents aren’t perfect. They make mistakes. Some of us have had fucked up parents or none at all. Some people have had way worse things happen to them in their childhood.

We all have coping methods to protect that inner child. That coping can be good or bad. When we understand our past trauma and our coping method, we can understand what triggers us and consciously decide what’s the best way to deal with our inner child.

Wow that was alot to unpack. Sorry, it’s Gemini season what can I tell you, my brain is moving.

Letting Go

I do tarot and know astrology and at times , it can be quite obsessive of trying to know what’s coming to the point where you’re not even living anymore. Even when I’m doing a reading for repeat clients, they often get caught in a loop asking the same questions week after week.

At some point we all need to take personal responsibility, have faith the universe heard your prayer and live with the energy that things will work out. Our prayers are like birds and they can’t fly on a leash.

Taking Time to heal

I had this dream of this man who had an injured leg. It was wrapped in a cast but the cast broke and only a few pieces were still attached to his leg. I told him don’t walk on it, it’ll just make it worse. I told him I would find something to wrap it with. On my journey, I looked down and noticed I had a large scab on the top of my foot. I was walking on the beach and sand had gotten all into it and tried to wipe it off and the scab came off revealing a large open sore now.

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I knew that couldn’t be good so I stopped my first journey to find a bandaid for my foot. How can I walk around with an open wound? For some reason, people started getting in my way during this pursuit for bandaid. I just pushed them aside and jumped around like Superman until I found a cabin with first aid. I grabbed a large bandaid and slapped that sucker on my foot and grabbed some gauze for the man. Sidenote: A Samuel L. Jackson movie was playing on the tv in the cabin. Random I know…

When I woke, I had these thoughts of not only healing but realizing when you’ve been hurt. It’s during that time, where your focus should go back to yourself. When we work on finding the right tools to heal ourselves , we equip ourselves with more tools to help others.

Focused on Quality Time

My love language is time. If I don’t get it , there’s gonna be problems. I don’tneed to be around someone 24-7 but yet I don’t like feeling like I’m a last thought.

For those really close to me know I’ve been been “talking” to the same guy for like… 4 years. That’s a long ass time to not have an official relationship. His routine would be to see me around 10pm for a couple of hours and leave. (Writing that down makes it feel worse) but somehow I felt things would change eventually. Newsflash it didn’t .

Can’t break up with someone you really don’t have a relationship with so I just sent a text and let him know I was gonna look for someone to spend my time with. No response. đŸ™„ Just tired of feeling like I’m waiting on someone to make time for me. No one is that busy.

Life isn’t perfect and dating is a chore. But hopefully the universe will align me with someone who’s really serious….and sexy…and a decent job. Damn I’m starting to sound like Carrie Bradshaw…

The struggles of an Empath

There are empathy and empathetic people. Two different things. I’m an empath. I feel others feelings like they’re my own. Sometimes I don’t even know the difference. I will have these feelings and not even know why. It is usually because they are the feelings of someone around me.

As an empath, I enjoy my alone time so I can sort out my own thoughts and feelings. Sometimes you don’t realize you need it. You don’t realize you need time to think and not feel but it’s necessary. It’s like dusting your home. You don’t know where all that dust came from but somehow it just settles from outside and sticks to everything. This alone time allows you to move things around in mind, and clear the dust in your mind.

The gift/curse of the empath is to just know/feel when someone around you is off as well. When this happens, don’t react in a knee-“jerk” reaction. You rearrange your thoughts and see. You step away for a moment and see the bigger picture. Some people ask for help, and some people just deal with life’s problems on their own. We all have coping mechanisms.

Weekly Tarot 5/15- 5/21

The oracle message for the week is the Mountain. Ground your energy this week with a crystal or by going outside and placing your bare feet on the ground. Mars and Neptune are bringing strong emotional and spiritual energy. If you can harness it, you may have an epiphany. Watch my video on Instagram for full details.

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Letting Go… but hold on.

The lunar eclipse came and went but we should be still feeling its effects for a while. Eclipses denote closure and endings. Depending on where it falls in your chart is where you can expect to see some type of release in your life.

With my own life, I’m thinking about the things that subconsciously need to release or let go of since it fell in my 12th house. My dreams have been intense and I wonder what things in my life that I may be doing that I’m not aware of. I found this really great website that breaks down the house https://www.horoscopefriends.co.uk/astrology-library/solar-and-lunar-eclipses-in-the-12-houses . Check it out.

Mars and Neptune are doing some crazy stuff this week together. It can be either really emotional or a very spiritual week. Either way every oracle I’m pulling is recommending grounding your energy so we don’t get swept away by it. Think like a VERY strong tide coming in that’s just violent. Hold on to something.

The Shadow of the Soul

I think we all have our shadow self; the parts of our soul that we bury for whatever reason. Everyone has their own coping method for trauma. Some people deal with it openly, some relive it in their adult relationships, and others create a reality where nothing happened at all.

I think it’s important to face that shadow but don’t follow it. When we get in relationships with others, be it romantic or friendship, we have to be aware that others have some type of trauma that is deep that may not be expressed. The closer we get to them the more we may feel it. But what do you do?

You can’t remove a man’s shadow, you can just help a person realize that shadows are merely…shadows. Turn around and focus on the light and your shadow is behind you. Be guided by your shadow to know where the light is but don’t follow it or you’ll walk into darkness.