So I’m about to turn 40 on March the 7th. I decided to reflect a little on the past ten years and see if I learned anything. LOL
of course, I did.
It was the year of 2008 … Obama had just won and I voted. I was living in Los Angeles. That was also the year the Recession hit and I lost my job at Myspace. My California Dream was crashing hard but I was still partying and fucking like a rock star. When I turned 30 I think I remember I went to Fubar in my underwear… not sure.. it was all fuzzy but I’m pretty sure I did. Not sure if I got laid or not… but probably. lol
I did a lot of “THOTTin” back then. As the years passed I searched for more. Move back to Texas, got a relationship with a crazy Puerto Rican that I couldn’t keep up with and that ended with a fizzle… no direction… no goal. Just ended. I had more “sexual affairs” and lovers in that 10 years… but alas they lasted less than a year so it’s not worth mentioning. Welcome to the 30’s. I had more money than in my 20’s and I knew who I was .. fuck I had more resources (THE FUCKING INTERNET) but still…
Here I am. I don’t think life after 10 years is bad. I started my 30’s a gypsy boy… with practically nothing.. okay nothing. I lost everything.. and moved back home with my mom. Newly sexually out and back in the south, I had to regroup. I coped with lost friends, the anger, the isolation, then found new friends. Gay friends… then dealt with the craziness and fakeness of that. OH WELL…
As I learned more about sex and relationships in my 30’s I felt like I didn’t wanna be that fuckin old dude on Grindr at 60. Relationships …or meaningful relationships has been a strong goal. That…as well as money. I have managed to keep progressing to better jobs, however.
Now I’m about to be 40, good job, apartment, a dog, and I’m still trying to figure out the game.. or is the game trying to figure me out? I have plenty of guys that like me and I have dated some great guys so whats the problem? Sometimes I feel like I’m being too petty.. looking for the dream.. but yet, I don’t want to settle for less. If I don’t feel … fuck.. I don’t feel it. As a Pisces…. feelings are everything.
But… I can’t let my feelings fool me (and that’s the second part)
Cause there are playas out there…
So as I sit and self-reflect, I have no regrets. I love myself and I know there’s love out there to be attained and embraced. I don’t plan to be single forever. I just want someone I can vibe with ..and the sex is great… and makes me feel special, pretty simple, right? I think so… so many fall short. These guys want to be worshipped. They don’t want love.
Montre you wanna be worshipped!
No, I don’t.
I’m social media savvy.. I have fans… I love people that support what I DO..not me in particular. I’m a creative. I appreciate those who appreciate what I do… social media has made it possible for ANYBODY to get attention for bullshit. (sidenote: My next novel is coming out real soon…)
Anywhooooo.. Thanks for reading my rant. I love you guys. Happy Birthday to me… *raise yo drank* here’s to the FORTIES!!!!
Drunken bar hookups seem just so… unromantic. lol. So I’m using my tools to see how this works.. (versus my tool) . So far I’ve checked out Tinder on my phone and OkCupid. I’ve gotten more feedback and conversation on OKcupid. Maybe cause the guys in my neighborhood are not the “dating” types. But I do live smack dab in the middle of the gayborhood close to all the bars so…there you have those “drunken bar hookups” just on my phone app. Not that I don’t mind a drink or two and whatever happens-happens it’s just I would like to do something more–ya know like a stroll to Klyde Warren park or hit up White rock Lake or something. 
My close friend told me that I have to put the intention out there that I’m serious. So hey… can’t put it out there better than writing it down can I? I’m a hopeful romantic. I like a lot of guys, I think a lot of guys are cute, it’s just none are quite fitting with my life at this moment. I’m a generation X guy that can easily date older or younger at this moment. I like partying but I don’t want to do it all the time. I like chilling with netflix but I don’t want to be at home all the time. I just need a fine balance of the two… an active and passive relationship/lifestyle. Eh, I don’t want to overthink it.