Who Did You Fall in Love With?

couple in love

When it comes to love, it’s hard to find a how to manual about it because love is something that is very difficult to rationalize. But we can share our experiences and try to attempt to find some common ground in that. That’s what I want to do right now. Share an epiphany of mine, not out of expertise, but purely experience and you can take that information or you can fling it to the wind.

It is my thought that when we meet someone and  feel love for them and we want to share some type of intimate experience with, that person we fall in love with is actually the “cover” person. When I say the cover person, I do not mean something that’s fake but it is someone who has been developed over time. It is the adult version of who that person is attempting to be or what they think is expected of them. That person may be very responsible, very organized, very strong and has all the answers,  very outgoing or even something very unattractive such as bitchy or sarcastic. But the cover person is never the total person. No. It is only a part of that person.

It is my present belief that most relationships break up or some do not become relationships at all because people decide to show you their true self. That true self is more-so their inner child. The cover person is the identity they have developed throughout life to protect that inner child. inner child I think we all remember how easy it was to fall in love and consider someone our boyfriend or girlfriend when we were younger. Then heartbreak set in. After that hurt, we developed different guards and filters so that we would not get hurt again. We locked our child away out of protection. These filters and guards became apart of our personality and we didn’t even realize it until sooner or later we became a total different person than we started out.

The challenge for a relationship is that when a person lets their guard down and reveals their inner child, which may be hurt and not as strong as their cover person, that you should learn who is that inner child. That inner child may be quite the opposite of the cover personality they have developed. But I think that every person needs to be allowed to let their inner child go and if they can trust you to protect their inner child and love that child just as much as they love and protect that side of themselves then you have truly won their heart.  Surely, some people may never allow you to see that side of themselves. They may never allow themselves to become vulnerable with another person. If this is the situation, then you have to decide whether the relationship is worth it or not.

children huggingTo feel freedom of love it has to be like two children playing. It can not be one person protecting their inner child or your inner child at the same time at all times. This is when the imbalance comes. This is when a person feels like the parent of the other…and eventually someone will rebel.

Tell me what you think of my thoughts. I don’t claim to be perfect in my epiphanies but it’s something I have learned overtime. It is something that I want to share with another. I want to be free to love as I did as a child with out trying to rationalize every motive and intention but yet I want someone to be free to love me without being judged and know that I will protect that part which they love the most. That’s what I believe we all do.

Why the view of MARRIAGE must EVOLVE

I was talking to a female friend and she was telling me how a lot of her female friends were disgruntled with being married. She asked me this question,
“Why do men change after you get married? I mean after I DO, they act they own you and act like asses”
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Well…i will attempt to address this issue. In this day and time we believe in equality and rights for all people. However, marriage as it is traditionally is not about equality. It never has been.
It is about ownership. Single empowered women who want to be married find themselves hitting this brick wall time and time again. They go from being single and independent to being someone who is expected to submit to every foolish whim of their husband or be ostracized and accused of being a “bad wife” (and who wants that title).
However, as much as we like to believe…many wives are not equal to their husbands.
If they were, wives who are dominant in persona would not be labeled “bitches” or their husbands “weak” . If they were, then wives making more money than their husbands would not be an issue. If they were, wives working and husbands staying home with the kids wouldn’t seem “weird”.
How is it about ownership?
Simple, the ritual of traditional marriage involves one man (THE FATHER) GIVING his daughter (his property) to another man (the groom). Funny…Dad doesn’t give away his sons when they get married. Traditional marriage…has never been about LOVE….it was a business transaction between two men.

Now the therapist in the above video almost seems pro-arranged marriage…and why not? He’s a therapist. But this will not solve the predicament. As marriage evolved from arranged to choice by love, once again, there’s a need for it to evolve from ownership to unification and equality.


Well, maybe, but if you performed the whole “marriage ritual” i described, then in some ways he does. You are just not aware of it.

A ritual is a set of actions, performed mainly for their symbolic value, which is prescribed by a religion or by the traditions of a community.-Wikipedia

If the table was turned and the groom’s mother gave him to his bride would this be weird? Why does any grown adult need to be given anyways? With the rituals of marriage as it is traditionally, the symbolism says the following:

  • Men and women are not equal
  • Men own women
  • It is honorable if a man can pass his daughter (property) to another man he sees fit.
  • Marriage is a business transaction first and foremost. Not about love.



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Free your mind. I’m not saying don’t get married but I’m saying change your mind on how you view marriage. Change something as simple as the very ritual. (unless you like being owned–or for the fellas, owning another). Marriage, spiritually speaking, is evolving into a love union between two people that creates divine balance. How do you symbolize or visualize that? That’s not very traditional but we as humans grow and learn. But we, as people, all desire to be with some one that balances out and reflects our love as we balance and reflect theirs. We all desire to celebrate our beloved and have that love union celebrated by all. We all want our love to free us…not to enslave us like a “ball and chain”.

If we can change how we perceive something….we can change how it affects us.