How Marriage Equality is Changing Dating

Imagine  a world where they told men and women to separate. Where they felt it was better for the protection and benefit of mankind if men and women lived in separate communities. What if they created laws forbidding men and women from even socializing unless it was in mandated government facilities for reproduction ONLY? What if, dating, intimacy (between the sexes) , and all types of things were criminalized based upon some past statistic of date rape, domestic abuse, divorce ratings? What do you think people would start doing? Do you think they would have sex in dark and dank places just to fulfill their urges? Who they sneak around corners and create secret clubs to socialize? OF COURSE THEY WOULD!

(you see how crazy people went over prohibition of alcohol and present questioning of marijauna)

Do you think those that were caught doing such acts would be punished by their personal community groups? This type of reality seems far-fetched and something built for fiction but that’s exactly what homosexual couples have been and some still go through.

Marriage equality seems to be changed what gay men in particular consider acceptable. Let’s be honest, lesbianism seems to be way more acceptable in America than two gay men ( however, lesbians have their own set of hurdles to overcome) . But for so many years two men who love each other can barely hold hands with out somebody accusing them of throwing their homosexuality down their throats. In reality, if I were to throw it down your throat I would just make your husband suck my.

well let’s just move on….

I believe marriage equality is changing the mentality of not only heterosexual people but also homosexual people on what’s actually possible in relationships. If you enter a relationship hopeless… most likely it will never go beyond sex. Now, gay men…more so younger gay men can envision a future with a partner (family) . I see now more guys asking more long-term questions besides how long is my d…

well let’s just move on…

I am hopeful for the future in America. The world is changing. We are living in a time where you can live your truth and still live along side with people who may live a different truth. Hey, but that’s okay. Gone are the days of witch burnings…I hope. I can be horribly optimistic at times. But for the men who are sexuality attracted to men, I am hopeful they finally … so many will find peace of mind of being who they are… and loving and living with who they want to be with and creating something… because that’s what being a man

is all about.

The Problem with Gay Dating

Being gay and trying to find a mate is not as simple as one would think. First of all it’s not something every parent grooms their sons to do. So most guys, don’t know the first thing to do when approaching another guy. We revert to a primal caveman like way of speaking to each other… the stare, the smile, the grunt “sup” “me want sex” type of conversation. And true enough gay men relationships are quite different from hetero relationships and lesbian relationships. We eat our dessert first and then pick through the entre last. Then and only then, after our belly is full do we consider paying the bill or leaving the table without even a tip. Yes, it can be a crazy world with men, sex, and love… but the fun is the process.  The younger generation is more out of the closet but seems to rely soley on electronic forms of communication, while the older generation may be more prone to communication face to face but tends to have issues with being public about their sexuality. One day I’m sure this won’t be an issue as balance happens.  The second issue would be opposition. Not only from homophobes who hiss and throw bibles when you’re on a romantic date but even other gay guys who are bitter because they can’t find someone. There are tons of subcultures in gaydom.(twinks, bears, trade, gaymers) .. dating outside of that or even dating outside your race can make other gays gossip about you negatively. We all want acceptance and somebody to love us fully. Social acceptance is just as importance as romantic love acceptance. But most importantly is personal love acceptance. If you don’t love yourself and respect your SELF you can’t accept or even expect people to love you fully.

Who Did You Fall in Love With?

couple in love

When it comes to love, it’s hard to find a how to manual about it because love is something that is very difficult to rationalize. But we can share our experiences and try to attempt to find some common ground in that. That’s what I want to do right now. Share an epiphany of mine, not out of expertise, but purely experience and you can take that information or you can fling it to the wind.

It is my thought that when we meet someone and  feel love for them and we want to share some type of intimate experience with, that person we fall in love with is actually the “cover” person. When I say the cover person, I do not mean something that’s fake but it is someone who has been developed over time. It is the adult version of who that person is attempting to be or what they think is expected of them. That person may be very responsible, very organized, very strong and has all the answers,  very outgoing or even something very unattractive such as bitchy or sarcastic. But the cover person is never the total person. No. It is only a part of that person.

It is my present belief that most relationships break up or some do not become relationships at all because people decide to show you their true self. That true self is more-so their inner child. The cover person is the identity they have developed throughout life to protect that inner child. inner child I think we all remember how easy it was to fall in love and consider someone our boyfriend or girlfriend when we were younger. Then heartbreak set in. After that hurt, we developed different guards and filters so that we would not get hurt again. We locked our child away out of protection. These filters and guards became apart of our personality and we didn’t even realize it until sooner or later we became a total different person than we started out.

The challenge for a relationship is that when a person lets their guard down and reveals their inner child, which may be hurt and not as strong as their cover person, that you should learn who is that inner child. That inner child may be quite the opposite of the cover personality they have developed. But I think that every person needs to be allowed to let their inner child go and if they can trust you to protect their inner child and love that child just as much as they love and protect that side of themselves then you have truly won their heart.  Surely, some people may never allow you to see that side of themselves. They may never allow themselves to become vulnerable with another person. If this is the situation, then you have to decide whether the relationship is worth it or not.

children huggingTo feel freedom of love it has to be like two children playing. It can not be one person protecting their inner child or your inner child at the same time at all times. This is when the imbalance comes. This is when a person feels like the parent of the other…and eventually someone will rebel.

Tell me what you think of my thoughts. I don’t claim to be perfect in my epiphanies but it’s something I have learned overtime. It is something that I want to share with another. I want to be free to love as I did as a child with out trying to rationalize every motive and intention but yet I want someone to be free to love me without being judged and know that I will protect that part which they love the most. That’s what I believe we all do.

Why People are More Comfortable with Lesbians than Gay Men

I have found at least in the main media, that most people are highly comfortable with lesbianism but not male homosexuality. I have a theory about this so if continue reading if you will.

This is pretty much a male dominated society but yet women control a lot about how men react to things. So there’s this 50-50 exchange of ideas and control. Lesbian women or at the very least women who flirt with the idea, pose no threat to male sexuality or sexual identity. Two women together don’t even threaten their own femininity and it would seem that they become EMPOWERED because they express the ability sexually that they don’t need a man.

The heterosexual man, however still is able to see himself in these women’s lives because, as stated before, it’s a male dominated society and lesbian or not, it’s dangerous for a woman by herself (unless she has a gun, dog or something) So they guy says to himself,

“Hey she has a need…i still have a chance”

I will even go as to say even sexually he says,

“Wow, two Pussies…and nothing getting filled…there’s a need…I still have a chance.”

This is his mind. What he may not realize is that she may not want to be penetrated or she may have alternate ways of doing so. They only lesbian threat to the heterosexual male is the stud female who says,

“Not only do I not need you sexually, but I don’t need you to protect me either, AND I can please a woman better than you.”

This woman is so much like him that he is not attracted to her and most of the time these strong lesbians are the object of gay bashing if any.

On the adverse side, male homosexuality poses a threat to heterosexual men only to one issue…..Straight men feel that being gay means religuishing your masculinity or becoming less of a man. This is not necessarily true. This is only because the media chooses to focus on the most feminine of gay men and the most masculine of gay men choose to stay in shadows. Just like the stud lesbian who has traded in her feminine identity, there are some men who have traded their masculine identity for more softer tones and some in the hetero society find this difficult to accept as most try so hard to define, uphold, and retain what they consider masculine and feminine especially when it comes to relationships.

Where the feminine gay male gets much smack about his sexual orientation, you find far less masculine men getting as much trouble. I saw one dude at the gym who was big and brawny, he appeared to have that biker look. He had a tank top and on his arm he had tattoos of intertwining dicks and male symbol signs. He was obviously gay and proud and so big I doubt anybody would fuck with him. My point is, although he was gay he posed no threat to male masculinity, in fact he seemed to love his own (nothing wrong with that).

I find that homesexual/bisexual men who are masculine and love their masculinity seemed to be more so accepted in the heterosexual world. Straight men love their masculinity too, they have something in common. A straight man can talk about lifting weights, sports, politics, or even sex with a masculine gay male in a way he cannot with a feminine male.

Why is that? Perhaps the feminine male feels more in common with females or is oblivious to what masculinity even is. Because of that, he tries harder to express himself (he is still a man) and this comes off as FLAMBOYANT. The heterosexual male says,

” I can’t relate to this guy and I don’t need him in my life.”

The feminine male’s rejection of his his masculinity expresses itself as masculine men (gay or str8) reject him.

As times change, and we begin to see more MASCULINE homo and bisexual men come to the forefront, then we begin to see the heterosexual world begin to relate more become more comfortable as they see more diversity within the LGBT community and relize that being gay is not just a “feminine” thing .

In my own bisexuality I have had no issue with my straight friends and often enjoy debating on what they consider right or wrong when it comes to sexuality. I also find that there are SO MANY masculine men who may identify as straight but that may not be necessarily true. As the world becomes more accepting, hopefully these individuals will accept themselves. So I am making this theory based off my own experience and my observation of other masculine men and people’s response to them. If you have had a different experience please feel free to share, comment, or send a note.