How to Love someone

Love is really complicated. When you really get to know someone it’s almost as if they change a bit. But that’s not the case… they are showing you a deeper level of theirself .

Focused on Quality Time

My love language is time. If I don’t get it , there’s gonna be problems. I don’tneed to be around someone 24-7 but yet I don’t like feeling like I’m a last thought.

For those really close to me know I’ve been been “talking” to the same guy for like… 4 years. That’s a long ass time to not have an official relationship. His routine would be to see me around 10pm for a couple of hours and leave. (Writing that down makes it feel worse) but somehow I felt things would change eventually. Newsflash it didn’t .

Can’t break up with someone you really don’t have a relationship with so I just sent a text and let him know I was gonna look for someone to spend my time with. No response. 🙄 Just tired of feeling like I’m waiting on someone to make time for me. No one is that busy.

Life isn’t perfect and dating is a chore. But hopefully the universe will align me with someone who’s really serious….and sexy…and a decent job. Damn I’m starting to sound like Carrie Bradshaw…

Mars in libra

Photo by Git Stephen Gitau on Pexels.com

I woke up this morning with my head everywhere. Like literally everywhere. I sat in bed and went through every single one of my “relationships” I’ve ever had since I was 13. I use the word relationships loosely. They weren’t all commitments. But they were all people that had some type of impact on how I view relationships today whether good or bad.

Mars the planet of power is moving into libra the sign of relationships and balance. I realized that at different times I was committed to different things. Sometimes that person, sometimes a personal goal. Sometimes that person was focused on certain things. As a man in his forties now, I saw how over-commitment is a thing and can cause burnout. Under commitment only causes frustration as you never really achieve anything. That’s where the Libra balance comes into play.

We have to put energy into others while not losing sight of our own goals. We also have to understand what other people’s goals are. Are they aligned? Are you two going in two different directions? This includes friendships as well. At different times our commitments may change. Sometimes we are committed to the connection, a job, status, or committed to finding our true selves. Either way you can not reach those goals without the involvement of others.

We are all like planets floating through space, influencing each other positively or negatively with our gravitational pull.

Love and Compromise, where is the balance?

“I want someone to share me.. with me  ” what do you think about this? There is some slight truth to what she says yet what happens when you have two people who are in love with themselves? Is that the compromise… I will love you will you love me? I will share my love for me with you? What happens when you get someone who doesn’t love themselves as much? So many questions.

When i find a relationship, it’s sorta like this…

   

Lol , i admit, it happens fast and unexpectedly, and I think that what makes it scary (especially if you find yourself falling alone) I was thinking to myself “Damn I fall in love fast” — of course, I fall out of love fast too.. I don’t know if it’s really “love” or enamoured..eh different word same feeling right? I just try to open up to people unapologetically without walls up. It helps me to learn who people are REALLY FAST. THat alone can help see through bullshit. When you’re dating in your 30’s wasting time is not an option. If you don’t like someone, let them know… move on. The older I get the more I feel someone’s lifestyle has to compatible with my own (when I was younger it didn’t matter) but things like diet, how OFTEN you drink, social life, family life, work life all play a major part in how relationships balance out. I’ve dated a couple of workaholics who never have time and I’ve dated so socialholics who have time for everyone (else) . So all in all I’ve looking for someone who balances …with me.

Free Gay Movie Night: The Skinny

It’s that time again. Get some popcorn and enjoy this LGBT movie about the value of true friendship in the gay community.  From the makers of Noah’s Arc, this movie should really be on LOGOtv  or they should make a series. This is one movie you’ll want to add to your favorites. Let me know what you think

Who Did You Fall in Love With?

When it comes to love, it’s hard to find a how to manual about it because love is something that is very difficult to rationalize. But we can share our experiences and try to attempt to find some common ground in that. That’s what I want to do right now. Share an epiphany of mine, not out of expertise, but purely experience and you can take that information or you can fling it to the wind.

It is my thought that when we meet someone and  feel love for them and we want to share some type of intimate experience with, that person we fall in love with is actually the “cover” person. When I say the cover person, I do not mean something that’s fake but it is someone who has been developed over time. It is the adult version of who that person is attempting to be or what they think is expected of them. That person may be very responsible, very organized, very strong and has all the answers,  very outgoing or even something very unattractive such as bitchy or sarcastic. But the cover person is never the total person. No. It is only a part of that person.

It is my present belief that most relationships break up or some do not become relationships at all because people decide to show you their true self. That true self is more-so their inner child. The cover person is the identity they have developed throughout life to protect that inner child.  I think we all remember how easy it was to fall in love and consider someone our boyfriend or girlfriend when we were younger. Then heartbreak set in. After that hurt, we developed different guards and filters so that we would not get hurt again. We locked our child away out of protection. These filters and guards became apart of our personality and we didn’t even realize it until sooner or later we became a total different person than we started out.

The challenge for a relationship is that when a person lets their guard down and reveals their inner child, which may be hurt and not as strong as their cover person, that you should learn who is that inner child. That inner child may be quite the opposite of the cover personality they have developed. But I think that every person needs to be allowed to let their inner child go and if they can trust you to protect their inner child and love that child just as much as they love and protect that side of themselves then you have truly won their heart.  Surely, some people may never allow you to see that side of themselves. They may never allow themselves to become vulnerable with another person. If this is the situation, then you have to decide whether the relationship is worth it or not.

To feel freedom of love it has to be like two children playing. It can not be one person protecting their inner child or your inner child at the same time at all times. This is when the imbalance comes. This is when a person feels like the parent of the other…and eventually someone will rebel.

Tell me what you think of my thoughts. I don’t claim to be perfect in my epiphanies but it’s something I have learned overtime. It is something that I want to share with another. I want to be free to love as I did as a child with out trying to rationalize every motive and intention but yet I want someone to be free to love me without being judged and know that I will protect that part which they love the most. That’s what I believe we all do.